My Forever Valentine

February 14th 2017 was the last day I saw my father alive. It was like he was really not there but he looked more like himself than he had in months so he was, I refuse to believe otherwise.

I wasn't suppose to be there that day, I was suppose to go see him the following weekend with a bunch of my old friends from the university. He didn't make it to the following weekend, he died on a Thursday.

Valentine’s was on a Tuesday that year. I had left an interview for an internship earlier than I had expected. And I thought that instead of going home I should go to the city, two hours away from where we called home and see him, even if he really wasn’t there.

That day, my mum was my Valentine. That is what I told her. She smiled, mostly because she had absolutely forgotten it was Valentine’s day. Partly, I think it was partly because she probably wanted to break down and cry right there and then.

We took really pretty pictures that day because we spent most of the day in the waiting bay. It didn’t make sense to sit there and just watch him sleep there still, hooked up to machines for dear life.

My father’s first born sister, came by a few hours after I did. She went to see him before she met the rest of us. By the time she came to us she was beside herself in sadness. I think she realised what the rest of us were in too much denial to see at the time. What the rest of us were too blinded by hope to see.

My father was dying, the doctors saw it, my aunt saw it and eventually, one week, two days later, we all felt it...

February 14th 2018, I asked my mother to be my Valentine again. She said she would be honoured, being that she doesn’t have a Valentine either, not anymore at least. I smiled, a sad smile then I told her she will be my Forever Valentine.

That is the story of how my mother became my Valentine two years running. My Forever Valentine.

I hope your Valentine this year was someone that you really loved. I hope it is someone who you are grateful to have in your life. I hope it is someone who you really wouldn’t mind calling your Forever Valentine. I hope when the day comes that you have to say goodbye to your Forever Valentine, you will have loved so truly, so beautifully, so fully that you will have given away all your love. That they will have left you an empty vessel ready to start this journey all over again.

XoXo
J.A.